Yes, we do get really excited as we are throwing a dinner party, lunch, brunch or so.. It is not only about the food but about timing, decor, the right music, the perfect set up and.. obviously about our looks. Men do not suffer as much since they can just take a shower right before receiving guests and voilá! But for us this is a total nightmare..
One day I was meeting the terrible mother of a boyfriend, of course I have heard so many things of her very traditional british way of criticising the world that I immediately thought of Lady Bracknell in “The Importance of Being Earnest” (please do watch this movie from Oscar Wilde’s play).
I first worried on how would I look. Many say it is great for you to put the concealers first then style your hair and let the make up absorb then finish up but lets say it was not a smart idea when cooking..
I went for a very complicated dish: deboned quails “in sarcofagus” (inside a box made of puff pastry). While deboning sweat started to drip as the oven cooked the sarcofagus and I passed by bloody hand trough my forehead. I sealed the quails and ran across the kitchen as my curls-to-be bounced in their bobby pins.
I worked the dough and at some point cleared the sweat from my moustache and continued to throw the tray into the oven and as I watched the pastry puff hands on my waist I sighed.. this was not soon to be ready so I texted him “35 more mins needed”. As I pressed send the door bell rang.
I looked out of my kitchen’s window and there she was.. a flesh and bone Lady Bracknell dressed for Milano opera outside my house. I panicked and ran, couldn’t scream for help or she would listen so I could just run for my phone as I ripped of the bobby pins. I ran up the stairs grabbed some lipstick and as took of the apron I managed to read “OMG so sorry she always does that. Just talk to her I’ll be there in 10″… Crap! I mumbled and opened the door. Believe me anything but a good impression moment…
I opened the door and she opened her eyes like two pizza plates and said “what is that on your forehead?” I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks “I was deboning quails” I said.. she just shared with me her disgusted face “theres also flour on your upper lip..” she said to finish me up. I invited her in and excused myself running to the restroom.. OH MY GOD I was a mess.. the sweat had managed to give me racoon looking eyes and the curls were out of control not to mention I had quail-gut blood on my forehead and a flour mustache. Not to mention the flour had made it to my waist, bum, and definitely the corner of my nails.
Well, I thought, the good part is that it can only get better from here. Oh how wrong I was.. As I fixed my hair and makeup from tragedy I smelled the arson-sarcofagus totally burn right in front of my inquisitor. Later on my boyfriend arrived, he had missed all the fun on how I religiously had ruined it all.
Ladies cook first, once everything ready to jump into the oven for final touches then take a shower and do hair and makeup. Make sure you wont deal with ingredients afterwards, also that your protein is barely seared to avoid overcooking while reheating and leave your veggies crisp. Once you look like an A star then you can prepare a cocktail for your guests to wait while the food warms up.
What did she say? “I thought you told me she was a chef”..